The Drawer
by NothingProfound
Summary: While cleaning out his old desk, newly promoted General Jack O'Neill considers resigning. SamJack, SamPete
1. The Drawer

**Title: The Drawer  
Summary: While clearing out his old desk, newly promoted General Jack O'Neill considers resigning  
Genre: Romance, Angst  
****Pairing: Sam/Jack, Sam/Pete  
Season: Beginning of season 8  
Rating: G  
Content Warning: None  
Spoilers: In the Line of Duty, Fair Game, Divide and Conquer, Window of Opportunity, Entity, Chimera, Lost City part 2, New Order part 2**

**Author's Note: **I started this as a one shot, but came up with another chapter that will continue the story for at least three chapters.**

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Chapter One: The Drawer**

Jack O'Neill sat at his desk surrounded by boxes. Contrary to what he told his second-in-command—former–second-in-command—Samantha Carter, he did know that he had a desk, and an office. His desk was often full of unfinished paperwork which he usually avoided doing until the last minute. Now with his promotion to brigadier general and subsequently becoming "the man," the commander of the base, he would be getting a bigger desk to accommodate the bigger piles of paperwork. Of course being in charge of Stargate Command also meant he would have to buckle down and do his paperwork as it appeared there.

So, he was packing up his old office for the move into his new office, which had belonged to the former commander of the base, now–Lieutenant General George Hammond. Jack had diligently read and signed every last bit of paperwork on his old desk, figuring it would not be a good idea to clutter his new one before he even had a chance to sit at it clean. He had emptied every drawer in his desk, but the very bottom drawer.

This drawer had a lock on it. Producing the key, Jack opened it. The first thing that caught his attention was a picture frame lying face down inside. Picking it up almost reverently, Jack turned it over. It was a picture of Sam—she was not Captain, Major, or Lieutenant Colonel Carter in this picture—just Sam. She was smiling brilliantly at the person taking the picture. It was a smile that always touched a deep place in Jack's heart—a smile she bestowed on him alone. He took that picture at a team barbecue at his house. He couldn't remember exactly what it was he had said to her, but she had flashed that beautiful smile at him and he had caught it on film.

He stumbled across the photo when looking through the pictures he had developed and couldn't take his eyes off it. So, he had it framed and, one day when he was feeling particularly down, he brought it with him to the base. Knowing that it would not due for him to have a picture of his lovely second-in-command on his desk, he hid it away in the locked drawer where no one but him could find it.

He was distracted from his study of the photo by the only other object in his drawer. Putting the picture into the nearest box, he picked up the lone piece of paper lying in the bottom. It was a letter of resignation. Jack had written it while Sam was recovering in the infirmary after Jolinar—the Tok'ra that had possessed her—died, almost taking Sam with it. He had almost lost her and that was the first time he thought about resigning so that he could pursue a romantic relationship with her. He had finished the letter, but could not bring himself to sign it. He started to think about the fight against the Goa'uld, how he couldn't give up on it and SG-1, how he wasn't even sure if Sam felt the same way…

So, he had stuffed it into his drawer and it stayed there until the Zatarc incident. Having been accused of being brainwashed assassins, Jack and Sam had been forced to confess their feelings for each other.

"_Sir…None of this has to leave this room."_

"_We're _okay_ with that?"_

"_Yes, sir."_

Jack hadn't wanted to leave it in that room, but he respected her wishes, knowing it was probably for the best. His resignation letter had come out then and he spent a few hours again debating whether or not to sign it. It came out quite a few times in the course of the week following the time loop he had been stuck in. He had even signed it during the loop.

"_You're resigning? What for?"_

"_So I can do…this."_

Jack smiled at the thought of that mind-blowing kiss he had shared with Sam. The memory, as always, was bittersweet because she could never remember it. Jack had been haunted by that kiss and it kept bringing him back to his resignation letter.

It stayed in his drawer for almost a year, until Sam was possessed by the entity. He had been forced to shoot Sam twice with a Zat, killing her. A shudder ran up and down his spine as he remembered the pain of watching her fall, knowing that he had killed her and that she was gone. She had come back though. They found her consciousness in the computer the entity had built for itself. That had been the hardest decision of his life—to fire that second shot—the second being the decision not to sign his resignation. He agonized for three long weeks; always convincing himself to leave it blank right before his pen hit the paper.

Jack could remember a couple more times he almost signed it, including right before and right after accepting this new job. It was crinkled and torn from the amount of times he sat in his office and fingered that piece of paper. His sense of duty—and his fear of being hurt again—always outweighed his desire for a life with Sam. He wouldn't admit it out loud or even to himself, but he was afraid of being rejected by her. He was afraid of getting close to her and then losing her. He didn't know if he would ever be able to sign his resignation letter. If he did, he hoped he wouldn't regret it. He hoped that Sam wouldn't regret it.

Jack read it over. His right hand moving of its own accord to a pen on his desk. He didn't really want this position. He had grave doubts that he would be able to command this facility. He could resign, declare his undying love for Sam, and they could live happily ever after…

Jack knew it wouldn't happen like that. Sam probably didn't return his feelings. After all, he was just some dumb, old, cynical, smart aleck, Air Force general and she was…

He could not even begin to describe Samantha Carter; soldier, scientist, natural resource if not national treasure—He certainly considered her a treasure. Blue eyes, blonde hair, 5'9", with a brain that was probably twice the size of his; it was ten times as intelligent. She made his world go round.

Then there was Pete Shanahan. Jack didn't even want to begin thinking about the cop from Denver who was stealing his colonel affections. Maybe Jack had never even had them.

Jack sighed, his groping hand closing into a fist just short of his pen. Even if Shanahan was out of the picture and Jack was assured of Sam's feelings, Jack could not abandon the SGC. He could not turn his back on his team—they would always be his team, even if he was not officially one of them anymore. He crumpled the letter up and tossed it into the wastebasket beside his desk. He would not need it anymore. He closed up the box he had been packing and piled it with the other boxes.

That was it. His office was empty. He had never been particularly fond of his office, but looking at it now he felt a deep ache in his heart. Jack realized it had nothing to do with the office. It was because, once again, he had given up a chance at happiness. Once again, he had left his resignation letter unsigned. He only hoped that someday Earth would be grateful for his sacrifice.

Jack straightened his shoulders and called to the young sergeant waiting to help him move into his new office, turning his back on the letter.

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**Author's Note: **Next chapter, what happens when Sam finds Jack's resignation letter? Please read and review. 


	2. The Letter

**Author's Note: **Sorry it took so long for me to post. Thanks for all the reviews.

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**Chapter Two: The Letter**

Samantha Carter looked around the office that had once belonged to her commanding officer, former-Colonel O'Neill. As the new leader of SG-1, she needed somewhere other than her lab to do the extra paperwork. General O'Neill—it was odd for her to think of him as a general now—also had an increased workload.

The office was empty and ominous. It daunted her. She feared she wasn't up to the task of leading her unit. Even more she feared she wouldn't live up to the general's expectations. He had trusted her with command of SG-1 before, but only for a few missions when he had been injured. She couldn't stand to disappoint him.

Sam looked at his desk. She had never seen him sit at it. He usually did his paperwork in the commissary. He had acted like he didn't know he even had a desk. He must have though. She imagined Colonel O'Neill sitting in his chair at his desk. His feet propped up on the corner, his brown eyes cast down as his long fingers tangled in the string of his yo-yo, his gray hair mussed, his cowlick causing it to stick up in the back as he ignored the paperwork piled up on his desk. Sam smiled slightly at the picture in her mind's eye. Her smile disappeared as she realized what she was doing.

Shaking her head, she sat down in the chair that was now hers. She looked at the nameplate in her hands. It read: _Lt. Col. S. Carter._ She set it down on her new desk and glanced around the office. The only thing that the general had left behind was a wastebasket, full of crumpled pieces of paper and a few paper airplanes. Sam smiled again at the thought of O'Neill making paper airplanes instead of working. Maybe that was what happened to all his memos. Sam picked up the wastebasket and put it under the desk. A piece of crumpled up paper fell out as her leg bumped against it.

Sam picked it up and was about to put it back in the trash when a word caught her eye: resignation. She opened it up and flattened it against the surface of her desk. It was a letter typed out to General Hammond. She didn't want to intrude on O'Neill's privacy, but if this was only a first draft and General O'Neill was planning on resigning she needed to know so she could talk him out of it. Deciding that it was worth risking the general's wrath if she could keep him from quitting, Sam began reading.

_**Dear General Hammond,**_

_**I've never been big on rules and regulations. In my mind, some are to be followed, others bent. The couple, okay, make that few, that I broke were excusable under the circumstances or not bad enough to warrant a court-martial. One regulation I never much thought about was the one against fraternization. Fraternization, what is that? That is until I met one, Samantha Carter. I know what you're going to say, why would a beautiful woman like her even notice a guy like me? Well, maybe she doesn't, but I sure as heck have noticed her. I could go on for pages and pages about all her virtues, effectively ruining my reputation as a hard-bitten, jerk of a colonel**_—colonel was crossed out and general scrawled above it in O'Neill's unique handwriting—_**, but don't worry, I won't.**_

_**I have come to realize that…Ready for this, General? My feelings for Captain**—_again O'Neill crossed off the rank, this time Sam's, and wrote, first, "Major" and then crossing it off, "Lt. Colonel"—_**Carter are no longer "professional" and have become, well, unprofessional. Oh, heck, I'm in love with her. I figure at this point I might as well be honest. I've tried to suppress my feelings for her for over a year**—_this time O'Neill had drawn a caret and written above the word year, "seven" and added an s at the end so that it said, "seven years"—_**to no use.**_

_**Carter, though, is big on regs. That's my good soldier. So, to respect her and her career, I'm submitting my resignation. I thought about writing an ultimatum instead, but figured I wasn't worth enough to the SGC for you or the president to give a hoot. I'll probably give this to Carter first to see what she thinks, I wouldn't want to give all this up for nothing…or maybe not. I don't think I could get up the courage.**_

_**All I know is that I don't want to lose her and I'm tired of ignoring this thing I feel for Carter. I really don't know if I'm going to go through with this, so, if I never sign this, I chickened out. If I do sign it and you read this, it was an honor serving with you, Sir. Wish me luck.**_

**_Jack O'Neill_ **

Sam was shocked. Her hands trembled as they held the crumpled piece of paper. He loved her? He has loved her since she was a captain? He had taken the time to correct it before he throwing it out. But he had thrown it out, what did that mean? She was so confused. He had been going to resign for her and though he hadn't after writing the letter, he had thought about it at least twice since then.

She had longed to hear him say that he loved her, but had given up on the hope that he did or that anything would ever come of their odd relationship. She was in a relationship with Pete Shanahan, her brother had set them up. Despite her protests to the general when he had asked, it was quite serious. She had noticed that General O'Neill had seemed distant since he had found out about Pete. Now that she knew that—she supposed she should call him Jack considering the context—Jack was in love with her, she suddenly realized how much she must have hurt him. Thinking of all the times Pete had been brought up in conversations with Jack or when he was nearby, she wondered how she could have missed Jack's reaction. He had always been hard to read, but after working with him for almost eight years she should have noticed the signs.

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_"Humming?" Colonel O'Neill asked as they rode the elevator._

_Sam looked up at him, startled. "I am?"_

_"You are."_

_"Sorry." Sam blushed._

_"What's his name?" the colonel asked, his voice studied nonchalance._

_"Now why would ..." Sam protested, embarrassed that he could read her so well._

_" ... Humming," he repeated simply._

_"Pete," she told him._

_"Pete?"_

_"Pete Shanahan, he's a cop."_

_"Speeding again, are we?"_

_Sam laughed. "He's from Denver; he's a friend of my brother's."_

_"Set-up," he commented._

_"Pathetic, I know."_

_"No, it's great," Colonel said, sounding uninterested at best._

_"Really?" Sam asked._

_"Isn't it?"_

_"Well, it's not serious or anything," Sam said with a shrug, uncomfortable talking with him about it._

_"And yet it is hum worthy," he countered emotionlessly._

_"Sir ..." Sam started, unsure of what to say._

_"Oh, Carter, it's none of my business. I'm just happy that you're happy about something other then...quarks," Colonel said. Sam looked at him. "Not bad with quarks, huh?" he asked._

_"Excellent."_

_"A bit uncomfortable, isn't it?"_

_"Yeah, a bit."_

_The elevator doors opened. "Good luck," he offered as he stepped out. Something about the way he left made it seem like he was in a rush to go._

_"Thank you, Sir," Sam said.

* * *

_

From the moment Sam had stepped into the elevator humming, Jack seemed distracted, almost confused. He kept glancing at her from time to time as their conversation progressed. When she looked at him, he had not held her gaze for long. When Jack and Pete had met, Jack had been civil, but she noticed an undercurrent and that intense look that Jack got in his brown eyes when something was bothering him. Jack had hid his feelings; he was too good at it for his own good.

If he was in love with her, why hadn't Jack said something? Why hadn't he signed his resignation letter? If he did now, would she break it off with Pete to be with Jack? She didn't know. Pete did not deserve to be dumped like that.

Her own feelings were in a jumble. Did she love Jack? Did she love Pete? It didn't matter, Jack hadn't signed the letter; instead he had thrown it out. He was her commanding officer and there were regulations. This didn't change anything…

Who was she kidding? It changed everything; how she thought of Jack, her relationship with Pete, her relationship with Jack…

Sam fingered the letter for a minute before making a decision. She folding it carefully and put it in her pocket. She needed time to think.

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**Author's Note: **I hope you liked that and I hope it will hold everyone over while I write chapter three. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with it, so your guess is as good as mine at this point. 


	3. The Jacket

**Chapter Three: The Jacket**

Sam was still thinking two days later. Pete had come over to watch a movie, a date they'd set up before Sam had discovered the letter. She still wasn't sure what to do or how she felt so she hadn't given him any indication that he shouldn't come over. But the longer she let the thoughts fester, the more she leaned toward Jack. She had basically broken it down to who she could imagine living without and as much as she cared about Pete, imagining life without him didn't give her the rush of panic that she got when thinking of losing Jack. Was there a way for them to serve the SGC, protect Earth, and still be together? Her biggest fear was that she would give up on Pete, be rejected by Jack, and wind up alone.

A break in the movie to order a pizza had Pete rummaging in his jacket for his wallet and gave Sam a few minutes to consider their relationship. Pete was sweet and sometimes funny, if tending more toward puns than sarcasm. He treated her like she was special, if a little controlling. And he was okay with her job being a secret…except hadn't he followed them to the house where they'd found Osiris? And he made those jokes about her saving the world that always grated on her nerves. She sighed. There seemed to be a lot of "if"s and "except"s. Not that Jack didn't have his flaws. He was stubborn, but always willing to concede to her expertise. He was so difficult to read, but his eyes were so expressive when he let them. He was admittedly a little broken, but he was brave and courageous and never left anyone behind. He was quite a few years older than her, but he was still handsome and perfectly capable of leaving her weak at the knees. Was it telling that all of Jack's exceptions were good?

The sound of cloth falling to the ground made her startle guiltily. "Pete?" she called.

"I just knocked over your jacket. Go ahead and call. I've got enough money," Pete answered.

Sam took the phone and called the pizza place. A few minutes later, she hung up, having been assured that their food was on the way. When she turned away from the phone, Pete was standing in front of her, a strangled expression on his face. "What's wrong?" Sam asked.

"What's this?" he demanded, holding up a worn, folded piece of paper. Sam could just make out something printed on the inside. Her heart sank like a downed death glider.

"Where did you find that?"

"It was in the pocket of your jacket. It fell out when it fell off the hook. What is this, Sam?"

She was about to answer when she noticed the awkward way it had been folded. "Did you read it?" she asked, suddenly indignant.

"I don't really think that's important right now. When were you planning on telling me you were running off with Colonel—or should I say General—O'Neill!?" he spat.

"How dare you," Sam said in a dangerously low voice, shoving past him into the living room. "How could you think that?" she demanded.

"Well, the evidence to the contrary—" he started angrily.

"Evidence!? You call that evidence? Well, Detective, let me tell you something. A letter expressing General O'Neill's apparent feelings for me is not evidence that I feel anything for him, let alone that we're running away together, or doing anything else behind your back," Sam shouted. "Don't they teach you anything at the Police Academy?"

"I think the fact that you've apparently been carrying it around with you is pretty condemning!" Pete shouted back. "You'd better explain yourself."

Sam glared venomously at him. "No, Pete. You don't get to have the morale high ground. You willfully pried into my personal things without asking. If you wondered about the letter, you should have asked." She knew that she didn't have much right to the high ground either. She had done the same thing with Jack's letter, but she was still right about Pete. She held up her hand to stop his protest. "Before you read it."

"If I hadn't read it, how would I know if it was something I needed to ask about?" he countered.

Sam stared at him incredulously and then laughed without humor. "Oh, man. Do you really…Wow. I don't really don't know you do I?"

"Sam, what are you talking about?"

"First off, if or when my feelings toward you change, I will let you know. I will break things off. I'm not the kind of person who leads people on or cheats on them. Second, I have been having some doubts for awhile. I will admit that General O'Neill's letter had something to do with them coming forward now. But you do not have the right to dig around in my things. So I'm sorry, Pete, but our values are just too different for this to work," Sam finished, feeling a little lightheaded, but suddenly more free than she had for some time. She hadn't even recognized the doubts that had been lingering as being related to Pete, but now that she said it, she could remember a million little things he'd said or done that had bothered her.

"You're breaking up with me?" Pete asked, sounding far too surprised in Sam's opinion.

"I'm sorry. I really am, but we're just not working," Sam said, letting her anger drain with her new found lightheartedness.

"You're breaking up with me for O'Neill? He gave you this confession while you were dating me, and he admits that he's too much of a coward to say it to your face," Pete said accusingly.

"He didn't give me that letter, Pete. I found it in his old office. He'd thrown it out. I'm ashamed to say that I did the same thing as you when I found it. But tomorrow morning, I'm going to his office and apologizing," Sam said with guilt. "It's not just that you read the letter. That would be hypocritical of me. You followed me to our mission to get Osiris, you forced me to pull strings so that you could know about the Stargate program, and you didn't trust me to judge what you needed to know. You don't respect my job and I'm starting to think you don't respect me."

Pete ran a hand through his hair, looking a little guilty at last. After a moment of strained silence, he asked, "Are you in love with him?"

"I didn't realize for sure until now. But…yes. I'm sorry, Pete. I never meant to hurt you. But when we were dating, I thought I was over the crush I had on him before. I swear." Sam wished this had gone a different way.

"Yeah. Okay. I guess I should just go," Pete said reluctantly. He shook his head and put the letter down on the coffee table. "We could have been great, Sam. This didn't have to happen. All you had to do was open up a little," Pete said, jabbing a frustrated finger at her.

"And you could have trusted me," Sam returned.

Pete looked like he had something else to say, but shook his head again and left. Sam watched him go. Anger and resentment and sadness and guilt whirled through her and for a moment she had to shut her eyes against them.

Finally, she straightened. Agonizing over who was more to blame would not change anything. She felt guilty, and she felt she should, but she wasn't going back to Pete. She couldn't have spent the rest of her life with him so it was better for both of them that she had ended it now. She picked up the letter and smoothed out the folds. She had things to do in the morning.

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**Author's Note: This story kind of gave up on me. Sorry about taking so long to update. There is just one more chapter. I have most of it written already so it should be more than a few weeks as I juggle priorities before I finish it up.**


	4. The Signature

**Chapter Four: The Signature**

Jack leaned back in the comfortable leather chair that had always sat behind General Hammond's desk. He could do this. He knew he could. He just wasn't sure he wanted to anymore. He didn't feel as if he had anything to prove. He had almost retired several times over his years working at the SGC. But the fight against the Goa'uld was too important to quit if his presence meant one less Jaffa or Goa'uld was stopped or one more innocent life was saved. From behind this desk, he might make a difference, but not more of a difference than anyone else could make. The only real thing that was keeping him here was the fact that without the SGC, he didn't have anything except a few good friendships that might just dwindle away if he wasn't around to keep them strong. That wasn't fair to Carter, Teal'c, and Daniel, but it felt like the truth sometimes.

There was a knock on the door. "Come in," Jack called.

Lt. Colonel Samantha Carter stepped in, looking anxious, but beautiful even in BDU's. "Do you have a few minutes, General?" she asked, wringing her hands.

Jack frowned in concern. "Of course." He watched as she shut the door. He stood and came around the desk to sit on the front edge. She hovered in front of him. "Everything alright, Colonel?"

"Yes, sir. I…I wanted to apologize, sir. I found your resignation in the trash a few days ago and I…I read it. I'm so sorry, sir. I know that it was private and I have recently had it made known to me how violating that feels. So…I'm sorry." She finished a little breathlessly. She hadn't met his eyes once during the whole speech, but on apologizing the final time, she forced herself to look him in the eye.

Jack let his face go blank. The impassive expression was a cover for the shock he was feeling. She'd read his resignation letter? She knew? What did this mean? _Nothing. It means nothing. Just that she knows how inappropriate your feelings toward her are. She has a boyfriend. _"It's…It's no big deal, Carter. But you'll have to forgive me if I'm a little…stunned," he said slowly.

"Of course, sir. I understand," Carter said, casting her gaze away again.

There was a long uncomfortable pause. "Was there something else?" Jack asked.

"Oh. No, sir. Thank you, sir. I'll go," Carter said anxiously, turning to the door. She stopped short of the handle and turned back. "There's just one thing I thought you should know."

All Jack could do was raise his eyebrows in question.

"I broke up with Pete," she said quietly.

"Why are you telling me this?" he said.

She looked away. "I just thought…What you wrote in the letter…"

"What about it?" he asked harshier than he'd meant.

"Just...I feel the same," she whispered.

Jack's heart simultaneously sank and soared. "You do? Is that why…?"

"Yes."

There was a long pause as Sam avoided his gaze and he couldn't tear it from her. "What now?" he asked at last.

Sam's eyelids fluttered as she registered his words. She looked up, her heart in her eyes and suddenly his was in his throat. "I could resign," she suggested.

"You're career is too important to you," he countered. "I could resign."

"The SGC needs you," Sam insisted. They were playing out an arguement that Jack had run over and over in his head since almost the day he'd met her. He wondered if she had been doing the same thing. He was tired of it.

"I don't care anymore," he said, closing the distance between them. He stopped just short of taking her hands. "You can't dangle this chance in front of me and snatch it away again. I won't keep it in that room anymore. If you hadn't wanted this, you wouldn't have said anything."

"Sir—"

"Don't call me that. Not during this conversation," he said, exasperated.

"We can't just ignore the regulations," Sam said plaintively.

"I know. That's why I'm resigning," Jack said.

"You can't do that!"

"Why do I feel like we've had this conversation a million times?" he exclaimed. "Sam, we can go around and around like we have been for years, but the bottom line is one of us has to resign. There are other more qualified people who can lead the SGC. But I love you and that's all that matters."

Sam smiled brilliantly at him and her eyes were bright as she whispered, "I love you, too."

Jack did take her hands then. He wanted to kiss her, but he respected her too much to risk it here. "Let me do this. If they really need me, I'll stay for a year or two, but then that's it. That's negotiable, but my retiring is not."

Sam nodded, resigned to his stubbornness. "Alright. If you're sure."

"I am."

"What will you do?"

"First things first. I'll write a new resignation letter." They both knew there was more to it than just the letter. Jack would have to discuss it with his superiors and negotiate how to get out of his assignment without leaving the SGC hanging. But it was a symbol, a promise that they would be together some day soon.

Sam smiled again. "Don't bother. I've got yours right here," Sam said, pulling the letter out of her pocket.

Jack took it with a grin, scrambled for a pen, and scrawled his signature at the bottom.

**The End**

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Author's Note: That's it. Let me know how you liked it. Thank you for reading.**


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